But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
-Isaiah 40:31
"Then you will know that I am the LORD; those who wait for me shall not be put to shame.
-Isaiah 49:23
When I think about 'soaring on wings like eagles' all I can think about is the feeling of complete freedom. The Lord promises me strength and freedom! As I am in this tremendous season of waiting, I am reminded constantly how much my hope needs to be in the LORD alone because true strength, patience, joy, freedom, and contentment will only come through Him. As I am in my last full year of classes before trying to figure out where to go from college, everything seems to be COMPLETELY up in the air. I have the plan of this year being only classes, coaching, working at the YMCA an hour a week, lots of observation and time in real classrooms, and ministry. This list seems like a lot....because it is. The LORD is definitely showing me how busy I am...but that's another train of thought. So this year I have all mapped out between which classes I still have to take, what time I have for ministry, what time I have for myself, and what time I have for working between the Y and coaching. There are a few unknowns but for right now, I am trusting the Lord that this plan I have made for the year aligns with His. The biggest question mark is starting in May. I have no idea what kind of job I am going to do this summer before student teaching or if I'll end up in some other country spreading the gospel. The unknown can be nice sometimes to be able to live on adventure but unfortunately, I am also a huge planner. I want to know the Lord's plan for after graduation but I also want to live in His truth about patience and how much He blesses those who wait. I feel like I am currently finding the balance in making some sort of plan and trusting the Lord will use it or show me elsewhere but also completely trusting in His timing. I feel like right now I have so many options of ministry after graduation that it is overwhelming and it causes me to not make any plans and just wait. Isaiah 49:23 is comforting to me that it is okay if people think I am foolish for not having a plan or even thinking of a plan. The Lord tells me that I will not be put to shame and that He will teach me things in this time of waiting. If you have been following my blog, you can see how much the Lord is truly teaching me and it has been an incredible journey. In this season of waiting for many things such as what type of ministry, living in the U.S. or another country, singleness or marriage, more schooling or not, and many other things, there are ways to embrace this season of waiting and let the Lord use it in so many ways.
Not having much direction for after graduation next December allows me to truly savor every moment the Lord is blessing me with. The Lord has given me so many amazing opportunities to share the gospel on this college campus to college students who have lost their way to a relationship with the Father. In this time of ministry, God continues to show me the urgency of the gospel. In fact, the Lord reminded me of this just yesterday when I walking around campus with my friend Melissa as we tried getting into some spiritual conversations. Melissa and I ended up talking to this girl named Rainey. We asked her a few questions about her life and what she believed happened after death. The 3 words that she used to describe her life were exciting, fun, and drunken. Right away my heart broke for this girl because I have experienced those words describing my own life just a few years ago. I continued to listen to her as she told us that nothing happens after we die, we just die. She had nothing to look forward to. I asked her the question, "if your best friend came to you and said that he or she wanted to become a Christian but did not know how, what would you tell her?" Rainey looked me in the eye and said, "I would tell her to never talk to me again." I was completely caught off guard. I didn't know what to say. The Lord completely used this to bring me back into the reality of how lost people are...how lost I am sometimes. This conversation also reminded me that in this season of waiting, I am right where the Lord wants me and that I can savor these heart-breaking conversations as the Lord will use them to strengthen my heart for Him and His Kingdom.
This also brings me to embracing waiting by not just waiting. The Lord still wants to use our hands and feet for spreading the good news right now while we wait for the Lord to reveal our next steps. The Lord is allowing me to work on submission and self-dying even now through this waiting. I'll admit that practicing self-dying to my own desires for the Lord's is hard. I am able to work on serving others in so many ways without being so focused on where the Lord is leading me...considering I have no idea!
One of the biggest ways that the Lord is teaching me to embrace waiting is being a completely broken vessel. I have been able to humble myself before His throne and experience Him lifting me up instead of myself. The Lord has completely broken me over my lack of vulnerability and the Lord has created healing from it. I have been able to be completely real about deep desires of my heart and the Lord has blessed me in processing them and reminding me that He has placed certain desires on my heart for a reason and that through waiting for them, He is teaching me Godly patience to be used in future relationships and life situations. (Sorry for the huge run-on sentence.) Because of not knowing how the Lord is going to use current circumstances and desires, I can honestly experience being a piece of clay in the Maker's hands. After processing many things these past few months, the Lord has brought so much freedom into my life. I'm not saying that I'm perfectly obedient because there is still sin in my life and following Christ is a life-long journey. I am saying that I can lift my hands and say, "not my will but Yours be done, Lord."
No comments:
Post a Comment