True Desires

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

-Psalm 37:4

As I process the desires that the Lord has placed on my heart, especially as of late, I continually learn more and more how many desires God has put in place for a reason. There are many desires that I have had since childhood and many desires that have changed in the past couple years as my relationship with Jesus has deepened. Being a woman, and a decently girly one in society's eyes, one of the biggest desires of my heart is to be a wife and mom. I desire to be beautiful inside and out and the desire to be pursued and romanced comes with that. I continually work on trusting the Lord to bring a Godly man to my side to lead me and be able to bring the gospel to those who do not know Christ with. I believe this desire has been placed on my heart for so many years for the purpose of furthering God's kingdom along side of someone special. The Lord knows my love for children and having opportunity to positively influence younger generations with the gospel. The Lord knows my heart in wanting children of my own and possibly the blessing of adoption so that they can also bring the gospel around the world. I continually fight Satan's lies telling me that I am not beautiful and desirable enough to be blessed with an amazing man of God who will delight in loving me, caring for me, giving me truth, praying for me, leading me and most of all allowing me to join his journey of bringing the good news to those who have not heard and do not trust in Jesus. As I fight Satan's lies, I am reminded of Song 4:1 that tells me, "How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!" The Lord uses these verses to romance and remind me that in Him, I am beautiful and He desires to bless me with my desires when I surrender to Him alone. Hearts not surrendered to God can seldom be trusted and until we surrender all of our hopes and dreams to Christ, we really have very little way of knowing what will truly fulfill us. What is truly behind my desire in getting married and being a mom? The desire to get married is to be able to fully submit to someone out of full trust. It comes with wanting to be lead and romanced and having someone who sees beauty in you no matter what. Although I still desire earthly marriage with an amazing man who seeks after Christ the same way I do, a truly deep relationship with God offers being able to submit to Him and being romanced by Him in so many ways. The Lord allows us to see beautiful things in nature such as sunsets and flowers so that we can see His beauty as well and know that He loves us and thinks we are beautiful in all that we do as we continually learn how to fully seek after His face alone. What about the desire to have children? I have always wanted a bigger family. Maybe not HUGE, but around 4 children has always been a desire. I would love to see different cultures within my own family as well if God opens doors for adoption in the future. Being able to raise children from different cultures is just such a unique opportunity to be able to spread the gospel to more places. That excites me. The true desire behind the desire to have children? The desire comes with wanting to invest ourselves into something that matters and will make a difference. We want to see fruit from the things in our lives and that is a desire that comes from the purpose God sets for our lives. As I think about these deeper desires, I realize that I have opportunities everyday to invest into things that matter and will make a difference. I am incredibly blessed to be able to serve in my church in leading high school girls and point them back to the cross as they continually face trials to turn away from it. I have the opportunity to coach junior high girls and most of them do not know Christ at all. Being able to love on them at such a hard time in their lives and see a difference is such a huge desire of my heart. I have disciples and underclassmen in my classes or on campus in general that I have opportunity to invest time in and share knowledge that the Lord has given me as I continually surrender my life to the gospel.

Each of us has dreams and if we truly trust Christ with all of our heart, nothing can disable God from surpassing our childhood dreams with His divine reality. God surpasses our dreams when we look past our personal plans and walk hand in hand with Christ on the path that Christ has chosen for us. God will undoubtedly keep us unsatisfied until we come to Him and His plan. A huge desire for me, and probably almost everyone, is to live happily ever after. Being a little girl that was completely about dressing up as a princess and being on stage as a beautiful dancer, a perfect fairytale was something that I always desired. This fairytale of living happily ever after can come true with Christ. Most people would consider a "happily ever after" one that comes with blessing and joy. Both blessing and joy are given to us through being obedient to the Lord, even in times of persecution and pain. Christ experiences happiness when he sees his servants being completely obedient in every aspect and situation of life. We are called to share in Christ's happiness according to Matthew 25:21: "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'" We can experience the happily ever after ending when we are faithful. 

I am currently processing where I am being called to and what God's plan is for my life so that I can be fully faithful to the Lord and what he wants of my earthly life. The Lord has placed the desire of full-time ministry on my heart. I do not know exactly where the Lord is leading me. I love CRU, a Christian college campus organization across the world, because it has shaped my relationship with God and has taught me so many things. I have seen incredible fruit in my ministry with this organization. My ministry with my youth group girls at church has had its rocky points but I was reminded the other night how youth ministry completely changed my life as it was through a conference with my youth group in high school that I heard the full gospel and had the veil finally lifted from my eyes as I accepted Christ as my Savior and Lord. I was reminded that it was my church youth group that really grew me in foundation of being a follower of Jesus. I would not be who I am today in Christ if it was not for my own youth group leaders loving me and pointing me away from the world. Speaking of the world, I love bringing the gospel to people. The Lord has blessed me in opportunities to see others come to know Christ in a personal relationship and being able to share the gospel to different people groups. I see the purpose and believe in the mission of overseas missions as well. There are so many options and the Lord is continually reminding me of the deepest desires of my heart. I feel like the path I see the Lord leading me down changes everyday as I mostly desire being a wife and a mom in any ministry setting or country. I trust the Lord's plan is perfect and His timing is completely perfect. I know the Lord has not given me these desires without purpose and I believe He will eventually bless these desires as I continually trust in the mystery of who He is and His perfect plan. I am fully surrendered and honestly completely open handed with His plans for my ministry after college. I am willing to go anywhere He sends me for any amount of time. I actually have so much peace about the adventure I have yet to see unraveled!