Being Content

Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.

-1 Timothy 6:6-8

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

-Philippians 4:11-13

Today the Lord really convicted me about my lack of contentment. I want to desperately be continually wooed by my Prince and actually allow Him to sweep me off my feet. Sometimes when I take time to enjoy dancing by myself in a quiet studio, one of my favorite things to do is imagine what actually dancing with Jesus would be like. I dance for him but I also want to dance with him. (You can think I am weird for pretending to dance with Jesus if you want to ha.) Although this is the greatest desire of my heart, my heart gets deceived and life around me gets distracting. I so easily forget about just resting in who Christ is and more importantly, who I am in Christ. I am a precious daughter who has been blessed with grace that I do not deserve. I am a warrior for Christ who is called to only one purpose and mission on this earth and I am to use the time and resources God has given me wisely. There is purpose for every thing, person, and opportunity that has come into my life. I fail to recognize the purpose in the things around me quite a bit because I am so caught up in hurrying through things to get to the next stage of life. 

I have been in prayer a lot about my future and I am 99% sure about going into full time ministry. This is great and I am incredibly thankful for the beginning of the Lord's direction but I realized that I have been wishing time away like crazy. College years are supposed to be some of the greatest of this life and they have been. I have seen the Lord do AMAZING things through my obedience in Him and I am so incredibly blessed. I am now in my super senior year and instead of making the best of my last full year, I wake up almost everyday wishing that I could just graduate and be done. I have no doubt that this just slaps God back in the face and shows Him lack of thankfulness for where I am at this current moment. I don't want to be like a 5 year old who is not grateful for the opportunities they are given.....but I have definitely been acting like one. I keep thinking about the future and my expectations about the future of how great it will be once I finish school. In my mind, life is finally start in a sense of being broken from the chains of homework and projects. I know this is a huge lie because life is going on right now. The Lord gives me opportunity everyday to live life with the purpose He really has for me: to spread the truth about Him and the love He has for us. I get really excited about doing full time ministry because I see it as a permanent opportunity to share God's love everyday and dig deep into God's Word. What is the difference between then and now? Absolutely nothing but time. My heart should be just as deeply rooted in God's Word and the urgency of the gospel. I keep trying to hurry through this stage of life because I am blinded and unable to see that this stage of life is just as crucial and just as satisfying as the next when I am deeply rooted in Christ. I am not truly experiencing the contentment that God wants me to because I do not take life day by day most of the time. I want to plan ahead and know what is going on. I enjoy everyday but I have been lacking true contentment of each day and what the Lord has given me through these days.

Psalm 84:11(NASB) says, "The LORD gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly." God loves me, and you, too much to withhold good from us when we diligently walk in His light and on His path.  If the Lord has not given me desires on my timeline, I struggle with being content with God's timing. I have been able to give up control to the Lord in a lot of areas in my life that I would not have given up in the past. However, the Lord is still working on taking away my control in other areas. The promise of Psalm 84:11 reminds me that God has purpose in every thing that happens in our lives and that as long as I am striving after Him and developing a greater relationship with Him over time, He will not withhold good from me. In fact, God gives me way more good than I ever recognize and I trust the Lord will continue to break distractions in my life. I am guilty of hurrying through life way too much and wishing that time would just fast forward 5 years. In reality, I only wish life would fast forward 5 years because that is when I think I will finally be settled into a job, house, possible family, and have things figured out. I know this is actually not reality. God's plan could be far from this idea of mine that comes from the norm of society. I want my prayer for God to break my expectation of the future and trust in Him only. I want to enjoy the here and now and use every opportunity that is placed in front of me. I need God's grace just as much as the people I pass on campus each day that I do not take time to talk to even though I have time. I miss opportunities for the gospel because I hurry through the day just waiting for it to be over. I want my life to be nothing but true of Acts 20:24. "But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God."