Unbelief

"The man who makes me his refuge will inherit the land and possess my holy mountain! And it will be said: 'Build up, build up, prepare the road! Remove the obstacles out of the way of my people.'"

-Isaiah 57:13-14

It is amazing what God promises us. When we truly take refuge in the Almighty God, we are completely changed and made holy. We also are beyond privileged to experience a path set before us. We do not need to make plans, we just have to submit. Wait, so I have to submit--everything!? I feel like so many things get in the way of following God's true plan for my life. My heart and mind desire to follow God's plan alone. I have experienced other roads that were lead by my own selfishness and they were complete dead ends. They led me nowhere except into heartache and depression. I don't want to take those roads, I want my eyes to be set on nothing but my King. But, what about all these obstacles that get in my way? The obstacles that blind me and allow me to feel like I can't even see God's road? Those obstacles are no match for God. In Isaiah 57:13-14 stated above, God demands obstacles to be removed from his people's journey--including my own. This is God's desire for our journeys--to be obstacle free--but yet, we still encounter them. Why? We have to BELIEVE that God truly desires this for our journeys and we have to BELIEVE that God can truly destroy the obstacles that stand in our way. So in reality, our biggest obstacle is UNBELIEF.

Romans 4:3 quotes Genesis 15:6 which says, "Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness."

In the Genesis verse, the Hebrew word for "believed" is 'aman and it means to make firm...to stand firm, to be enduring; to trust. In the Romans verse, the Greek word for "believed" is pisteuo and it means "to be firmly persuaded as to something, to believe with the idea of hope and certain expectations. The Greek word for "unbelief" is apistos, meaning "not worthy of confidence, untrustworthy...a thing not to be believed." NOT WORTHY? God is not worthy of my confidence? Ouch. This makes my heart just cry in pain. How can I not think my powerful, holy, perfect God is not worthy? The Lord has brought me a very long way in changing my unbelief into full belief. However, searching my heart completely, as much as it hurts to admit...there are still areas of my life that contain unbelief. Numbers 23:19 states, "God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?"

I have found myself in the past comparing God to man. I have been let down so many times by human friends and family members. Trust is something that takes a great deal of time for me to fully have in someone. In fact, I don't know if I could even consider myself knowing what true trust looks like because my family does not have deep conversations. We do not talk about deep secrets and we certainly have not built up deep trust levels. The trust I know of is nothing compared to the trust God has to offer me. Yet, I used to continually go back to days of brokenness and compare God to the imperfect humans in my life. As of today, my trust level with God has changed radically. I trust God with so many things other people have no idea about. God is my true secret keeper and He is my most trustworthy companion. I can honestly say that God has teared down walls of fear and has never let me down as I have put trust into Him. If we're willing to admit our lack of confidence in Him, Christ is MORE than willing to help us overcome our unbelief. One of the biggest areas I admit I still have unbelief in is that Christ can set ANYONE free from captivity. I have experienced leading 2 best friends to Christ and even my own sister....but after saying the prayer for salvation I have seen absolutely no life change. I know this is not of me to change their hearts completely but I do not understand. I know the enemy is real and snatches away hope so quickly. I just want to see these people set free like I am constantly experiencing--but I just haven't. In Luke 4:18, Jesus says that he is sent by the Father for the purpose of proclaiming freedom for the prisoners. Lord, pierce my ugly, unbelieving heart with this truth. Allow this truth to reign over the lies that say You cannot set my friends and sister free. Lord, You are worthy of all that I am. You are worthy of all praise in this universe. You ALONE are worthy of anything, really. Lord, You are willing to bring us a life of true freedom--help us to believe that and truly run after You alone for it.

Do you truly believe God is worthy of your confidence in Him for freedom?

Please Be Still and Know that He is God

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.
- 2 Thessalonians 3:16

"His peace should not be an infrequent surprise but the ongoing rule of our lives." -Beth Moore.  The apostle Paul wrote about how crucial peace is. It needs to be at all times and in every way. Every aspect of my life should be completely surrendered into the Creator's hands. The only way we experience peace is through Christ's peace. I cannot produce peace at all because it is a fruit of the Spirit. Isaiah 26:3 states, "You will keep in perfect peach him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."

 Definition of steadfast:

-adjective

1. fixed in direction; steadily directed: a steadfast gaze.

2. firm in purpose, resolution, faith.

 

As I sit here and really process what a steadfast love for Christ really looks like, I am just put in awe. The continual cry of my heart the past few months has been "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." -Psalm 51:10. I want my gaze to solely be on the face of Jesus. I want my soul, mind, and heart refined for the sake of God's glory alone. Jesus Paid It All is currently playing in the background as I write this and I get goosebumps when the song repeats, "Oh praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead." This line is repeated with power and firm faith. My soul longs for nothing but to praise the Lord above all things. When I have felt true surrender, peace comes to follow. The Lord has had to drastically change my mindset of peace. I used to think that if I could at least just not think about something that was bothering me for an extended period of time then I could have peace about it. I could just hide it until I could forget about it. This is absolutely not peace. All this does is cause pain. I think about one of my best friends in junior high school. Him and I hung out everyday basically and being a junior high girl, I swore we were going to get married one day. I thought I was head over heels with this best friend of mine. Our friendship turned sour fast after a couple years after hearing from a friend that he had "been in love" with me as well this whole time but never wanted to admit it due to his own fear of what his more popular friends would think knowing that I "was not the thinnest girl to like." I was devastated that this came from my best friend who I put so much trust into. However, after time of "healing"--really just kept pushing it down to forget about it and not processing through it--I thought I had finally felt peace about what had happened and was ready to move on. It has taken me YEARS to realize this was definitely not peace. Peace was not going to truly come until I surrendered this past situation to the Lord and see God's truth. Not going to lie, his words had cut me deep and the enemy had used them so many times to keep me believing I was not made perfect in God's eyes. The Lord had brought this to my attention a couple years ago and brought me to my knees over it. He kept whispering to me that it was finally time to surrender my struggle with beauty. Not only that, He actually changed my heart to do so. It has been a slow, painful process to fully surrender past hurt dealing with this particular issue. But, I was able to finally fully forgive my friend. I experienced a freedom that I had waited so long for. I finally stopped trying to free myself and let God free me from the pain of this particular situation. I had to be on my knees in prayer many times and laying on the ground in surrender is the best feeling. The Lord is teaching me a lot about peace in other areas. Just recently, the Lord has brought me to my knees multiple times in surrendering my future plans after graduation of college. It's crazy because I can say I am doing full-time ministry after college and I would have NEVER thought that is where my life would be headed. He has given me so much peace about this that I didn't even know I could be experiencing this much peace. As Beth Moore said, "the path to peace is paved with kneeprints. Bend the knee to His trustworthy authority." 

 

You can have the peace of Christ no matter what circumstance you are experiencing but, you must believe, bend your knees, and seek His face to receive this peace set before you. 

Satisfied?

Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
-Psalm 51:6

Being completely honest with myself, there are times when I am not completely satisfied with Jesus. I know in my head that Jesus is the only way to be completely satisfied and I even believe it in my heart most days. But, what about those other days? Those days are usually filled with self-sufficiency and lack of full trust in God. Why? The Lord is still revealing to me left and right how many walls I have built up before coming into a personal relationship with Him just 6 1/2 years ago. The Lord is breaking down these walls using a slow, painful process but I am truly finding more and more satisfaction in Him alone. Just earlier today some family issues came up. I needed to get away and breathe so I went for a drive. The only thing I kept saying to myself in the car was, "Lord, You are the ONLY thing worth anything in this life. You are the ONLY one that truly brings peace into my life and the ONLY one I want to purse with everything I have. I don't need anything but You." The Lord has brought me so incredibly far as He has pursued me through even the roughest times. I feel His presence like I never have before. I trust Him like I never have before. I have experienced more SATISFACTION in Him than anywhere else and it has given me zeal for continually wanting to share what He has done in my life. I am so thankful for this. However, I still desire to be even more deeply satisfied and I love that the Lord desires that same for me. As Psalm 51:6 says above, the Lord delights and desires truth in the inward most parts of me-deep in my soul.

One of the ways the Bible uses the word Soul is the nonmaterial part of us. Is my soul, my spirit, my inmost place--the real me--entirely satisfied with Christ? 

Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters;

and you who have no money, come, buy and eat!

Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.

Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy?

Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

-Isaiah 55:1,2

How am I completely satisfied? Through Jesus Christ alone. When we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we are indwelt with the Holy Spirit. We must accept that Christ died on the cross for our sins and through his death, the punishment of our sins is taken by Christ. In exchange, we are allowing Christ to become the Lord of our life and the one who is going to lead our life--every aspect of it. However, gaining this Salvation through Christ does not solely give us full satisfaction. "Salvation secures our lives for eternity. Soul satisfaction ensures abundant life on earth." -Beth Moore. In order to really know what will fully satisfy, I need to learn to discern what will meet my needs. God created me to thirst for Him for full satisfaction and it is a journey to truly learn what seeking Him fully looks like. As I seek God more and more with my life, my soul thirsts even more for Him. In Psalm 63, David was so acquainted with God's love that he considered it better than life. "Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you." -Psalm 63:3 As I am experiencing God is powerful ways and as I am falling more and more in love with Him, I am seeing that those days in the past of not being full satisfied in Him--not even close, really--were because of the lack of truth and love in my life. I was not relying on the time I spent with God to fill me. As the Lord has taken my heart and is leaving my breathless, I yearn to be filled with His Spirit moment by moment of each day. I used to rely on drinking, control on eating habits and weight loss plans, sexual impurities, and how much friends wanted to hang out with me to satisfy me. I am continually experiencing freedom from the weight of this world. I am actually experiencing the opposite of what I used to. The Lord is opening my eyes to how much I am NOT satisfied in material things and how close friends still will let me down because we all are imperfect. I am able to forgive more freely as the Lord is breaking my heart more and more for the sin in my own life independent of others. Nothing in this world can fully satisfy and our head can know that for years and year. But, until our hearts truly believe it, we will not fully experience the love and satisfaction of the One who paid it all. We will not be fully satisfied until our hearts break for the brokenness of this world and we are so reliant on the Lord that we see how we can do nothing apart from Him. We will not be fully satisfied until we are completely in love with our Savior. 

Does your heart truly believe full satisfaction comes from Jesus and being filled with the Spirit alone?

Glorious in All Your Ways

Everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.

-Isaiah 43:7

We were created to follow and GLORIFY God. The glory of God always has an impact when we truly give our all to Him. Numbers 20:6 says, 'Then Moses and Aaron went from the presence of the assembly to the entrance of the tent of meeting and fell on their faces. And the glory of the LORD appeared to them.' Moses and Aaron fell on their faces when they encountered the glory of God. Wow. There have only been a couple times in my walk with God that I fell to my knees face down. God definitely makes Himself known through His glory. I desire nothing but to truly seek the glory of the Lord. In a lot of Old Testament references, the Hebrew word for "glory" is kavodh and it means "weight, honor, esteem." This term actually comes from the Hebrew word kavedh and means to "be renowned...to show oneself great or mighty." In most New Testament references the Greek word for glory is doxa and means "the true apprehension of God or things. Giving glory to God is attributing to Him His full recognition. 

I have been called by His name and it is amazing that God wants to make Himself known TO me and THROUGH me. 

Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." -1 Corinthians 10:31

 The Lord wants to use our hands and feet to make Himself known to others. We are called to spread the good news of who He is and what He has done for us by sending His only Son to the cross. We cannot live a life that glorifies God unless we are also living a life that reveals God to others. This is a huge calling for our lives but Deuteronomy 31: 6 tells us, "be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Also, I am incredible imperfect. This actually reminds me of how God is working through me at Buffalo Wild Wings where I work:

When I first interviewed for the job last summer, my manager Andrew was the one who had interviewed me. I had just gotten back from Ghana for a missions trip through Campus Crusade for Christ and had mentioned that in the interview. Andrew randomly remembered this part of my interview back in November. Andrew actually studied religion for 7 years in college but does not believe that he could have a personal relationship with an invisible God. However, almost every shift Andrew asks me random spiritual questions of what I think on certain subjects and just what I believe in general. I have gotten to share many things about what I believe with Andrew...and anyone who is around at the time because he always ask questions right in the middle of me running drinks or food. One day in April I was at work and it was mid-afternoon so I had one table and almost all my coworkers were hanging out in the kitchen. My table had gotten only 6 wings when they were supposed to get 8 so I went back into the kitchen and asked for 3 wings right away to give them an extra for waiting. The kitchen guys looked at me like I was crazy and said they were going to give me 2 because that is what I needed. I politely asked for 3 again and Andrew was actually standing next to them but was not listening. The kitchen guys asked Andrew what was going on and he replied, "I don't know but just trust her and listen to her." I was kind of shocked. He then announced to all my coworkers that he trusts me because, "I have a growing relationship with God." Wow. I didn't really know how to react but it was such a blessing that it was announced and that my manager just trusts me. Although this story is just the beginning of what the Lord is doing at Buffalo Wild Wings, I am still sinful. I still complain during some shifts when customers are rude. I still find myself "slacking off" just a little bit once in awhile. After I process how a shift went on these occasions I can't help but to go back and ask myself how I was revealing Christ to my coworkers or customers that shift. I definitely have felt failure. However, I fully believe that our God is far too persistent to let my sin get in the way of the work He is doing to show His glory to those around me at work. I am incredible thankful 100 times over for this truth to say the least. Paul declared in Colossians 1:27 that, "God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." The mystery of Christ actually dwells inside each of us if we are believers through having the Holy Spirit. If we are not filled by the Holy Spirit, we have nothing of God in us for Him to show. In order to be filled with the Holy Spirit, we need to spend time in the presence of God and His glory will transform us and radiate from us. I have found in my own life that in order to be filled with the Spirit at every moment, I need to be continually confessing sin and trusting in God's forgiveness for those sins, as well as constantly standing on God's truth alone. 

Lord, I confess self-sufficiency from at work today and I confess frustration from a horrible shift because of my self-sufficiency. Thank You for Your promise that You are Sovereign and in-control. Lord, I confess not having desire to show Christ's love to my sister and her new boyfriend that has moved into our house. Thank You for Your truth that I cannot love on my own and that You are love. Lord, I confess anger. I confess bitterness. I confess unbelief that You are big enough to mend relationships with my family. Lord, I pray and trust that you will continually break down these walls. I pray and trust that you will continually use my hands and feet even though I am sinful and my heart has ugliness. I pray and trust that you will protect me from the enemy's lies and deception. Thank you for blessing me beyond what I deserve. Lord, most of all, thank you for breaking my heart for You alone and allowing me to love through You alone. 

Here are just a couple questions that I desire to constantly think about:

1. Do I desire God's glory or my own? I am not seeking glory for myself; but there is one who seeks it, and he is the judge. -John 8:50

2. In my service to others, is my sincere hope that they will somehow see God in me? 

 How do you experience God's glory in and through you?

Trust to Know and Believe Him

"You are my witnesses,' declared the LORD, and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he.' "
-Isaiah 43:10

I have been chosen specifically so that I may know and believe God and understand who He is. You have too! The Hebrew word for "know" in this verse is yadha. This term actually was used to represent the close relationship between a husband and wife. Our relationship with God should be intimate. God created us to know him and experience freedom in Him and Him alone. God also wants us to actually BELIEVE Him. The Hebrew word for "believe" in this verse is aman. This term means "to be firm, to be enduring, to TRUST."

"Many variables in our lives affect our willingness to trust God. A loss or betrayal can deeply mark our level of trust. A broken heart never mended handicaps us terribly when we're challenged to trust. Trusting an invisible God doesn't come naturally to any believer. A trust relationship grows only by stepping out in faith and making the choice to trust." -Beth Moore

Ouch. I have experienced many times of betrayal and broken-heartedness in my life. Starting from a young age, the relationship with my sister seemed like nothing but heart ache and betrayal. As I wrote before, being told I was worthless and having rumors spread about me by my own sister created a horrible trust level....rather, lack of one. There is absolutely no trust for my sister. She lies and exaggerates more than anyone else I know. The world needs to revolve around her or the world is going to come crashing down. This is so frustrating. I can't even trust my own sister. I can't trust her to tell the truth, I can't trust her with my earthly possessions because she has taken before without asking. I can't trust her for positive influence. I can't trust her with secrets. I can't even trust her enough to have more than a 2 minute conversation with her. Ouch. My heart is so incredibly sinful. I can't believe the level of trust with my sister is absolutely nothing. I have hatred towards her and how much pain she has brought into my life. Pain that affects me to this day. My sin tells me to blame her for believing that I am not good enough because she would tell me so often. My sin tells me to blame her for having horrible body image and struggling everyday to believe I am beautiful because God created me exactly how he wanted. My sin tells me to blame her for how independent I have become in life because of how distant our family is as a whole knowing how much pain she has brought to my parents as well. I struggle greatly with being really good at self-sufficiency because I felt like I could only rely on myself so much growing up. I couldn't trust my sister for anything and my parents seemed to have enough to deal with when dealing with my sister. I never wanted to reveal my flaws and mistakes to cause my parents more burden so I continually build up this wall of what I thought perfection may look like. This has drastically affected my trust level with God. I have learned so well to hide my imperfections and have convinced myself for so many years that the only person I could truly trust was myself. I have had best friends turn their back on me and spit devastating words in my face. I have had a dating relationship that ended because of him cheating. The Lord continually uproots deep pain that I have just shoved down for way too long. As I have taken steps of faith to trust the Lord for renewal, I have seen His hand do so many incredible things in my life. I have come to the point of a very good level of trust with the Lord, but I desire so much more. As I am almost 23 years old, I have a long way to go with trusting the Lord. There will be major decisions to be made in the next 5-10 years that will need to be made in full reliance on Him. Good thing the Lord has already made plans for me, I just need to continually hear His comforting voice. I obviously have a very hard time trusting people in my life but I also fall short in trusting the Lord in a couple major things that Lord has been having me process. The first thing is my future after graduation. I have a year and a half left of school and it's a great time to start discerning what the Lord would have me do after school. It has been amazing to see the Lord closing doors to make His plan more apparent but I still am working on FULLY trusting the Lord. I am 99% sure that I will be doing full time ministry after graduation. I am scared out of my mind when it comes to raising support and dealing with family reactions. I am not exactly sure what the full time ministry plan looks like either. My head knows the Lord is sovereign and completely trustworthy....but my heart is not always fully accepting of that truth. Lord, please continually change my heart and break it to desire nothing but You and Your plan! The second thing that I have always had trouble trusting in is that I will someday be "good enough" for someone to be their wife. Now that I have entered a season of life that has so many friends getting married and engaged, the enemy uses this to constantly remind me of the lies from my childhood. It's honestly a daily struggle to believe the Lord does have the perfect plan in this. Again, my head says, "of course I trust the Lord's timing is perfect," but my heart gets anxious proving to not believe what my head says. The best thing about all of this is that the Lord has been refining me and breaking my heart to desire Him alone. This past 6 months or so has been the first time that I can honestly say, "I'm falling in love with my Savior." 

How would you characterize your level of trust with your Savior? What have been some of the losses, betrayals, and heart aches that keep you from trusting the Lord more deeply with your life?

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you TRUST in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. 
-Romans 15:13

Christ Came to Set the Captive Free!

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; 

to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; 

to grant to those who mourn in Zion-- to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified. 

They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations. 
-Isaiah 61:1-4 ESV
 

The above scripture is going to be the main focus of my journey through Breaking Free. There are several important points that the Lord has taught me through these scriptures today:

1. God truly hears the cry of the oppressed. 
          God even hears the cries of those whose oppression is a result of their own sin and rebellion.  The Lord has been revealing to me how much my own rebellion in the past, and sin both past and present, has created the oppression that I encounter. There was a stage in my life about 3-4 years ago where it seemed like most aspects of life were rebellion. Right before this time is when I had gone through a horrible break up that left me in severe depression. I felt destroyed and I convinced myself that no one really loved me. I told myself that I was not good enough and I was not a beautiful creation. On top of this depression, I struggled with disordered eating because in my mind, nothing was going to make me happy unless I could grab others attention by outward beauty. I wanted men to chase after me to make my ex jealous and I wanted the self-esteem boost for myself. When this wasn't happening, I turned to heavy drinking to try to "forget" my sorrow and how much I hated myself. The summer of 2008 I went out drinking almost every single night with my then coworkers and I would drink until I couldn't remember some of the night. While under this state of influence, I only thought about myself and treated some very poorly. Because of this, people that I encountered that summer do not view me as the woman of God I am now. There are still some that have hatred towards me. I had stopped believing that God cared about me and the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual prisons I was in. I did not experience any hope of freedom until the Lord changed my heart to try to start trusting and believing that He really does care more for my freedom than even I do.

2. God fulfills Isaiah 61:1-4 in Christ alone!

          2 Corinthians 3:17 says, "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." What an amazing promise! I need to hear this every moment of everyday. The Holy Spirit is so crucial for freedom. Christ sets us free by the power of His Spirit AND He maintain our freedom as we learn to live from day-to-day in the power of His free Spirit. At the end of that summer I previously wrote about, it was the Lord completely to release me from the darkness I was in. It was Him who changed my heart to desire to try to run back to Him. Once I decided to run back to the Lord, it was the Spirit who carried me and gave me strength to leave behind that lifestyle and some of those friends in order to seek God's face.

3. Christ's ministry is a ministry of the heart.
          Scroll up and read through Isaiah 61 again. 

          It is amazing how many things Jesus does. Christ came to "bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release darkness for the prisoners." Christ came to "comfort all who mourn." He came to "bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." 
          2 Peter 3:9 reads, The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. 
           Christ WANTS to set us free from the bondage of eternal destruction and even saved people can still be in bondage. The Lord is showing me how much bondage I am still in from experience pain 15 years ago. The biggest bondage in my life is my attitude towards my own family, especially my sister. The thought of all the verbal abuse I went through from my sister growing up has created huge walls in my life towards her and others now. Being told that I was worthless and that no one would love me created a lack of desire to be vulnerable with others now. Having a distant family with only surface level conversation has not given me the experience of deep, loving relationships. The Lord is using this to reveal to me how much I suck at letting others love me in deep ways and how much I still need to learn in how to love others in deeper ways. I am so thankful for the truth of 2 Peter 3:9 because I do not want to be in this bondage anymore. I want to love freely and the way Christ calls me to. There is lots of pain that the Lord is uprooting but it is all for His glory!


What bondage is the Lord trying to reveal to you? Are you truly believing that God cares about your freedom?

Breaking Chains

God intends five benefits to be the daily experience of every child of God. He wants you to live and breathe each of these blessings:

     -1. To know God and believe Him

     -2. To glorify God

     -3. To find satisfaction in God

     -4. To experience God's peace

     -5. To enjoy God's presence

However, there are five major obstacles that block our access to the benefits God wants for us:

     -1. Unbelief, which hinders knowing God

     -2. Pride, which prevents us from glorifying God

     -3. Idolatry, which keeps us from being satisfied with God

     -4. Prayerlessness, which blocks our experience of God's peace

     -Legalism, which stops our enjoyment of God's presence

-Beth Moore, Breaking Free

^1 The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; ^2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; ^3 to grant to those who mourn in Zion-- to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified. ^4 They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations. 
-Isaiah 61:1-4 ESV

 

Only Christ can set us free from bondage of sin. Only through Christ we can experience the blessings God wants us to as His children. What obstacles are blocking your access to these blessings? What is keeping you from truly knowing God?

The Lord has continually been showing me how much my past has affected my present relationship with Him and others around me. Here is small picture of what I have experienced and how the Lord has started breaking chains to allow me to experience His freedom. 

I know this sounds kind of strange but death has been a major part of my life, especially before coming to the Lord. I have been to about 15 funerals between the age of 7 and now. Most of these funerals have been for people that had big influence in my life and had shown me love and guidance in great amounts. Growing up, I lived in a home where God was not mentioned ever and my family never really went to any type of church service. I have one younger sister but my relationship with her came with constant verbal abuse. I was told almost everyday that I was worthless, ugly and that no one would ever really love me. On top of this, rumors were spread about me at school by my own sister. My parents and I have never really had a close relationship either. There has never been doubt in my mind that they love me greatly, but they definitely have more distant ways of showing it. Because of these relationships with my family, I became very independent and learned to strive for others’ approval of myself. I constantly sought after perfection because I felt I had to be the perfect older sister in my family and not cause my parents any burden. I felt successful in this perfection when others approved of me. The search of approval continued and it was not until the summer before my sophomore year of high school that I first went to church with a friend. After attending a few times, I didn’t know much about who God was but I felt Him pursuing my heart. I kept going to church and also got involved in the youth group that allowed me to attend a youth conference in the middle of my sophomore year. It was at this conference that I decided to accept Christ into my life as another person to love me at a distance. For the next year and a half I grew in knowledge of who God was but I didn’t really know God. My senior year of high school started out with a strong passion to have a deeper, relationship with God instead of just knowing about Him. But, this desire became less important when I started dating a guy who I eventually put above God and everything else. Throughout this dating relationship I struggled with sexual impurity in order to feel more loved. When the relationship ended, I found myself in the start of a deep depression and disappointment. The lies from my childhood constantly rang in my head and I started struggling with disordered eating to try to fix how unwanted I felt. I went into my first year of college at UW-LaCrosse feeling completely empty and alone but I never showed it. I ended up transferring to UWSP to be back home after one semester in hopes of finding joyful life again. Not being able to experience healing and happiness using my own strength, I turned to heavy drinking trying to forget my depression and struggles. All these things I kept putting faith into to allow me to feel alive realistically pulled me further and further away from that feeling. After a summer of spiraling deeper in depression, disordered eating, and drinking, I found myself at rock bottom realizing that all these things actually took away life. I went into my sophomore year of college with God showing me His hand in a new way. God blessed me with better understanding and I was able to believe how much God loves me and that His plan is better for my life than being dead through my own ways. God allowed me to have a deeper understanding that my own nature is full of sin causing my brokenness and creating my life to be dead and unfulfilling. God allowed me to have more belief that Jesus’s statement in John 14:6 that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, is true and that Jesus died on the cross to take away the punishment of my sin for me. Through accepting that God loved me much more than I could fathom and that Jesus died on the cross to give me life, I started to become filled with the joy and peace that only comes from the Lord. 

Although the Lord continually blesses me with joy and peace, there is still a daily struggle in my life to break free from sin--past, present, and future. I am seeking the Lord will everything I have to break free of the things that prevent me from truly knowing and glorifying the God that loves me so much. I challenge you to allow the Lord to reveal in your own heart what prevents you from experiencing Him in such a deep, intimate way.

 This truly comes down to trust. Do you trust the perfect Abba Father who created the universe with your life?

I ask myself this everyday. I am challenging myself to grow in vulnerability and trust the Lord to break me of one of my own biggest obstacles--pride. Pride prevents me from truly experiencing deep relationships with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I fear showing others my flaws and the junk in my life because I still want to put up the front of perfection that I learned to do so well growing up. Pride prevents me from truly hating my sin and desiring to be broken from it. Pride prevents me from truly experiencing the Spirit in every moment and every situation. The Lord is just starting to break me and reveal to me all the obstacles in my life that are holding me back from Him. As the Lord continues to reveal these to me and as I process, I will be continually writing in this blog to pour out all my pain and junk. I desire to be real with each of you. I desire to trust the Lord to break this front of perfection that has been built up the past 22 years. Feel free to join this adventure with me by reading what the Lord is teaching me. 

He alone can rescue and save. He alone can lead us out of death. Do you truly believe that?