If His Grace is an Ocean, We're All Sinking

From the fullness of his grace we have received one blessing after another. -John 1:16

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest of me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace. -Ephesians 1:7

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. - Hebrews 4:16

Warning: this post will be jumbled thoughts that may or may not make sense.

The past couple weeks God has continually been showing me just how great His blessings have been in my life even when they do not always seem like blessings. I am so thankful to be here in West Virginia, even though I am ready to go home, finish student teaching, and already be moved to the Twin Cities. I have no doubt that God led me to YouthWorks to learn so much more about who He is in a different light of ministry atmosphere and sometimes feeling like I am re-learning things about faith all over again. One of the biggest things that I feel like God has been re-teaching me is about His grace. I have always been a goody-two-shoes rule follower who was very oriented with respect and what was right and wrong. This definitely pours into my relationship with God as I seek out deep truth and then get caught up in forgetting about God's grace when I make mistakes, don't choose the path that brings Him glory, and put myself first. 

Grace in all aspects is something that I need to continually learn about. I had a really great conversation with one of my best friends a couple weeks ago now and it fits so well with what I most need to learn. It is so easy for me to get frustrated and down about the sin in my life, even knowing that I am human, I fall short of following God's plan, I put myself first, and I sin everyday in various ways. I know in my head that sin is sin and it doesn't really matter what I am struggling with as far as degree in how bad it is compared to other sin because it is all the same in God's eyes. So often, I completely miss God's grace and fail to recognize how much grace God has poured into my life. I even need to learn how to shift my thinking when it comes to the times that I fail because they happen often just like anyone else. I need as much grace as anyone else. I need to give grace to others as much as I need grace myself. Sometimes I feel like we get so caught up in our flaws that God has known about for centuries that we forget to simply be still and thank Him for pouring so much grace in our lives that those failures and short-comings are completely covered and have been covered for thousands of years despite anything we do or do not do. I want to work on freely giving grace to others, not because they always deserve it, but because they are loved by the same God who pulled me out of complete darkness and who continues to bring me into His light each and everyday. I want to love selflessly and patiently because God knows how broken I am and how every person I meet is just as broken without God. I struggle with many sins each and every day but I want to recognize God's grace that has already covered that instead of staying in the mindset of how to fix my failures as if I have any part in bringing redemption to my life. Grace is so hard to comprehend but I am so incredibly blessed. I am blessed with friends who are just as broken as I am and just need love and care. I am blessed with a family who has not experienced the grace of God that I have and they need my patience to understand that they don't understand what God has done in my life. I am blessed by being surrounded by sinful people because I think we all can get so wrapped up in pointing out others flaws and our own that we completely miss how great God's grace and mercy on us really is. I know I do so much. 

We struggle, get frustrated, the enemy uses it to make us feel worthless of being loved, and then are blinded to see the beauty of the cross. It's a vicious cycle that I have drowned in before. We are not perfect and that is why we need a perfect God. I am definitely not perfect, I need grace everyday, especially from others. Know that you are loved, blessed, forgiven, and showered with God's grace and blessings.

You Won't Relent Until You Have It All!

Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. - Hebrews 12:3

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him. - Psalm 37:7

Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord. - Psalm 27:14

I wait for you, O Lord; You will answer, O Lord my God. - Psalm 38:15

Waiting. I would consider the life stage that I am in as waiting. At least waiting for God's plan to unravel of where He wants me going and what He is leading me to after student teaching this fall. Yesterday I spent two hours breaking down just a couple simple verses and I just want to share my thoughts and give an update on the end of what God is teaching me as I am here in West Virginia this summer!

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. -Philippians 4:4-6

I have read these verses many times but many things really hit me yesterday as I looked up many dictionary definitions to almost every word:

Rejoice - to feel joyful; be delighted; be in great pleasure.

Always - for all time; forever; at anytime; invariably.

Gentleness - considerate, tender, kind, noble, friendly.

Evident - obvious; easily seen and understood.

Near - with/in close relationship.

Anxious - uneasy, eager, worried, "earnestly desirous"

Petition - something requested; an entreaty(plea)

               Supplication - to ask for humbly.

Prayer - "a reverent petition" 

       Reverence - showing respect, profound awe, love

Thanksgiving - expression of gratitude

        Gratitude - state of being appreciative of benefits received

Present - to offer for observations, examination, or consideration; show or display

          Offer - to present as an act of worship; to put forward for consideration; propose

                       Propose - to make known as one's intention

Requests - something asked for

After looking up all these definitions, I decided to rewrite the verse:

Be joyful and delighted with great pleasure in the Lord for all time, at anytime, invariably. I will say it again, repeatedly, be joyful and delighted with great pleasure! Let your considerate tenderness, noble and friendly kindness be obvious and easily seen and understood to all - every creature! The Lord is in close relationship with you! Do not be uneasy, worried, eager, or earnestly desirous about anything, but in everything by showing respect, profound awe, and love to God through prayer and humbly requesting and pleaing, also with expression of gratitude and appreciation by recognizing value and significance of God, offer for consideration and make known your intentions of your requests to God! - Philippians 4:4-6 (rewritten)

I realize there are a LOT of run-on sentences but as I was digging deeper and deeper into what God was trying to teach me just through this process and reading just two verses, I realized how great my waiting period is right now and I need to examine my heart. Do I truly delight with great pleasure in the Lord at all times no matter what my circumstances are? Am I joyful on God's strength at all times? Did I just get told again to be delighted and joyful??? Yep, definitely just did. Then I asked myself, when I am delighting in the Lord and bringing requests before Him, do I continually live with consideration for others showing them tender, noble, and friendly kindness no matter what? If God is speaking to my heart in wanting His love to be so clearly presented to others through being considerate and tender myself, how am I really doing in that? The Lord loves me so much and privileges me with being in relationship with Him, why am I worrying? Why am I so eager to know God's plan for my life and so uneasy about trusting in His perfect plan? When I am praying and asking God for the desires of my heart, am I humbling myself and expressing thanks and appreciation even if God's answer may be 'no?' Hmm.... profound awe? Do I really realize that I get to bring requests of my heart before a big and mighty God? 

I can honestly say that God has had me in awe, especially the past two weeks. I am so blessed beyond what I could have imagined God blessing me with this summer between amazing students, amazing adults, amazing volunteer partnerships, and just amazing beauty of the community of Beckley, West Virginia. I took this summer ministry job as part of my waiting stage, to use the time I have in between school years to continue sharing what God is doing in my life and using me to glorify His kingdom. I still don't know what exactly I am doing after graduation, I mean I have a strong idea but it is still a temporary idea. I am very excited and anxious to have the months fly by to February when I am done with student teaching, done with dance team season, and am able to move to the Twin Cities area in Minnesota to start new adventures. This move will definitely be a huge step of blind faith as I don't really know how God is going to use it, how He is going to change my life from it, and who God will bring into my life through it. As I have been easily wishing away time, I realized that even my current plans are still part of waiting for a bigger picture to unravel. I have been reading a lot of scripture on waiting and being patient and fully trusting God's plan. I have been learning a lot about rejoicing in the wait and to continue to use the precious time that God has blessed me with to continue the race of glorifying Him wholeheartedly. As I desire to focus on who Christ is and what God wants to do through the story that He has given me and the ultimate love story that I am so blessed to share, my heart is actually being changed to embrace the waiting period. Embrace patience, embrace simple love, embrace intentionality of where I am right now, at this stage in my life, in this community, and on this specific spot on a journey. 

God has blessed me so much in just the last two weeks. Our programming at our site was canceled last week and this week due to a major power outage here in West Virginia. This week especially as we are back on site with power but still no participants, has been a huge blessing of rest. God totally has my best interest in his mind as He knows that coming back from this summer and going right into student teaching would be heading right into exhaustion from exhaustion. I praise Him that our team gets to have this week to rest, restructure a few things, and get to know our new site director in intentional ways and that I will not be heading back to WI in complete exhaustion and then jump right into student teaching. God has been teaching me a lot and I honestly don't even know how to put it all into words except for that my heart wants nothing more than Jesus and God's perfect plan, even if it comes with waiting. Waiting is worth it and I am learning to let go of my plan and control to embrace the "I don't knows." 

"You won't relent until You have it all, my heart is Yours. Come be the fire inside of me." - Jesus Culture